You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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