i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
