seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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