and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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