Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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