So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
