I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
