The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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