So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
People in love make me want to vomit
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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