Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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