I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
