it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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