"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
no, he came in my armpit
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
