He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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