It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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