FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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