Four minutes until I can fart!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
