And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
