I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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