Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
