this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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