these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
