i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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