my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
