Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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