I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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