Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
