he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
