I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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