I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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