I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
sex in a hospital.. check
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
