like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
