i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
