Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
