This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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