it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
