me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize