What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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