Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so let's talk penis.
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
