My underwear smells like fireworks.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
