i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
