I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
