I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
