She's JV to your varsity
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
