Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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