Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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