dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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