Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
