That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
