I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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