He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
