we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
