I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
