everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
