my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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