Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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