he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
