that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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