if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
