Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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