after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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