I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
