Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
