Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
