I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
