The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
