girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
