I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
