And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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